apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
