It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
