I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
