it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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