no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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