you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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