It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
