apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
