It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Girls should come with a carfax report
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
