I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
