3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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