i wish there were pregnant emoticons
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
