Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
