first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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