party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
