i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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