Sry I called you an 8
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
