If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
