The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
