he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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