Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
