I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize