Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
