Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
