Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
