And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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