Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
