i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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