I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
