SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
