The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
