trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
