I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
