JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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