soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
