Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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