if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
