look no pants
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
