I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
