we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
