He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
