did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
