every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
