Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every concussion has its silver lining
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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