Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
