I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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