The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We left the knife in your bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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