I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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