We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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