I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
