Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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