I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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