Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
