i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
