The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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