Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
