you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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