thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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