she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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