He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
