Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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