Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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