The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
