i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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