Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
