Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
