There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
